She works hard for the money …

Thoughtful business woman documents in officeSo hard for it honey … and now it seems she doesn’t have that much time for you. How do you let your girlfriend know that you want her to make a little more space for you in her life without coming off as clingy and needy?

First of all, let’s be clear. Asking for what you want isn’t clingy, it’s how people get their needs met. Clingy is blowing up her phone if she takes more than ten minutes to get back to you. Clingy is expecting your girlfriend to spend every waking moment talking to you or texting you or being with you or at least thinking about you just to prove she cares about you. Clingy is wrapping your own self-worth up in someone else’s willingness to spend time with you.

Asking for what you want isn’t what makes you needy, being needy is.

So, how do you ask for what you want?

  1. Ask, don’t demand. Demanding is not the way to get what you want. Demanding is the way to get dumped.
  2. Be specific. If you would like her to commit to see you twice a week, then ask for that. She can agree, she can negotiate, or she can refuse, but if you are vague you run the risk of her misunderstanding and you end up back at square one.
  3. Accusations will get you nowhere. Don’t tell her what she’s doing wrong. Don’t accuse her of ignoring you. Let her know what she is doing right, and how you want to be around her more because of it.
  4. Be understanding. If she is a high-level executive putting in sixty hours a week at the office, then you need to be respectful of that. Ask her to work you in, don’t expect her to drop everything for you.
  5. Understand that the conversation may not go the way you want it to. It’s possible she is just so laser focused on her work that she hasn’t noticed how little time you are spending together, but the hard truth is that most people make time for what they want. So if she isn’t making any time for you, and hasn’t for quite a while, then it might be time to consider finding a girlfriend who will.

It’s not always comfortable to go after what you want, but it’s a lot less comfortable wandering around wondering if you could have had all your heart’s desires had you only mustered up the courage to ask.

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