She makes more money … and?

It happened again. You and your wife were out at a neighbor’s house enjoying the small talk and the fondue when one of African girlyour fellow husbands takes a little jab at you for not being the breadwinner of your family. It’s not a secret. Not that there is a sign posted on your lawn or anything, but it’s she’s a corporate lawyer and you’re a high school professor. She makes more money.

Maybe it doesn’t usually bother you. Maybe it does but you normally manage to let it go. Either way this dude has struck a nerve and now you’re irrationally angry at your wife for a situation that hasn’t changed in the last ten years. What do you do?

Well … get over it for starters. Whether it actually bothers you or you just aren’t in the mood for snide remarks, this is your life, jack. Unless you actually want to be the guy who asks his wife to give up her career because of his insecurities you need to let it go.

Here’s the thing, this guy either assumes it’s really not a big deal and he’s just having a friendly go at you (stop taking the bait) or he’s a douche. If it’s the latter there’s a good chance he’s lashing out because his wife makes more money and he doesn’t have the tangible masculinity to deal with it like you do. Did it ever bother you before? Do you really care what an insecure, blow hard thinks? Is he the one you want to see naked after the party?

Before you go off half-cocked and start a fight that she has no idea is coming, let’s take stock of a few things.

First, review the situation carefully. If you’ve had this arrangement for your entire marriage, then maybe something else is bothering you. Perhaps this is a good, old-fashioned case of transference. Has your wife been additionally busy and marred in her work so there’s been less quality time between the two of you? Have you been having a tough go at your own job and it’s making you a tad jealous of how much she loves her work? Are you just pissed off that your team didn’t make it to the Super Bowl and really want to lash out someone?

If it’s really the money all of a sudden, then maybe you need focus on remembering what made you choose your career path to begin with. If you’ve always wanted to be a public school teacher you couldn’t have really expected to be raking in a six-figure income, right? So what made you want to teach, or whatever it is you do? Think about that and try and get back to that place where it’s about passion, not money.



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