Dirty Talk

Angry African American CoupleThere are a lot of ways a minor disagreement can turn into an all-out battle, and the quickest way for that to happen is by dropping the relationship A-bomb, which in this case means using the word “always” or conversely “never” when describing a particular behavior or action of your partner. Those are dirty little words that will get you in trouble, and not the kind of trouble that well get you a sexy little spanking. They are fighting words, capable of transforming a simple discussion into a battle akin to the invasion of Normandy.

These words, as harmless as they may seem, put your partner on the defensive, and once that happens, you might as well be shouting at the toaster because no one else is listening. Besides, let’s face it, unless you are telling him he never puts on a set of dress whites and reenacts the final scene of An Officer and A Gentleman, then it’s probably not a very accurate statement. Likewise, saying she never appreciates it when you take out the trash only serves to remind her that you want a medal for walking a sack of garbage fifteen feet a couple of times a week.

There is nothing wrong with expressing your desire for your partner to do something more, or less often, but qualifying your statement is what keeps people engaged and avoids making them feel attacked. If you acknowledge that you notice when he rinses out the sink after shaving, and would appreciate it if he did it every time because the little bits of hair clinging to the rim really gross you out, he might be more inclined to oblige. Whereas accusing him of never rinsing out the sink out will only invite him to remind you of every single instance where he has, in fact, done just that.

If you want a real resolution, your best bet is to keep your language non-threatening in order to keep the communication lines open. Leave the dirty talk in the bedroom where it belongs.

 

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