Sole Provider

Young businesswoman typing at work, isolated on whiteJust because she pursued higher education and a career doesn’t mean she pictured herself as the bread winner in her marriage, and just because she accepted that role doesn’t mean she isn’t struggling with it.

If you find yourself in this position, you are not alone. Many women struggle with feeling inadequate for neglecting the household. Your apron strings are all in knots around your uterus because you don’t see your children as often. Then there are those nasty feelings of resentment that creep in because you feel obligated to work longer, harder hours in order to make up for the financial loss of a husband that makes less, or nothing at all. Of course, this isn’t every woman. Studies are showing that women who have consciously made the choice to take on the bread winning role are statistically happier about it, but not every woman, even one who loves her career, takes on this role willingly.

Being a reluctant, bread winning wife can add to the stress to the marriage, and who needs more stress in a marriage?

Here are a couple of don’ts and a big do to help navigate the waters of a home where she makes more money.

  1.  Ask for help. Nothing will fuel the fires of resentment faster than you just assuming he will anticipate all of the household needs and take care of them without being reminded. If you find yourself bringing home the bacon, frying it up in a pan, and still having to clean up the kitchen afterwards, then you need to speak up.
  2. Don’t treat him like an employee. Have patience, be supportive, and remember, just because he does things differently than you doesn’t mean that he is doing it wrong. Yes, even us women can be unreasonable from time to time. You may clean the toilets better than he does, and you know to dust before you vacuum, but if the end result is a clean house then cut him a little slack because it’s hard enough to function in a marriage where he feels like less of a man just because he brings home less of a paycheck, don’t make it worse by nagging him to death because he loaded the dishwasher wrong.
  3.  Do be proud of yourself. Just because somewhere inside of you there is that nagging feeling that you should be barefoot in the kitchen, don’t let that overshadow all of your success. It’s ok to build a career. It’s ok to make more than your husband. It’s ok to take this world by storm, so keep your head up and remember how amazing you are.
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