Keep on Crushin’ On

Lately, it seems that every movie night consists of Emma Stone movies. Don’t get me wrong, I like Emma Stone, but I don’t remember signing up for her fan club, and I’m relatively certain that there are other movies available on Netflix in which she is not a member of the cast. It took me a while to notice the pattern since I keep losing the “pick the movie” game of Rock Paper Scissors … but I’ve noticed it now. My man has a little crush on Emma Stone. Well, who the hell doesn’t?

I wasn’t sure I was going to say anything, I mean, what’s he going to do, steal her away from her own man and run off with her? And would that mean I get to keep Andrew Garfield? (Wait … are they still dating or not?) Anyway, after the fifth movie night in a row featuring Ms. Stone I made sure he knew he wasn’t fooling anybody.

To be clear, I don’t have an issue with his crush, or with his choices for movie night, heck, Gangster Squad, The House Bunny, and Crazy, Stupid, Love feed into my own crushes so by all means, keep on keeping on. I just felt like teasing him relentlessly because he thought he was being slick.

So, the question becomes, when does having a crush cross the line?

Well, it’s a bit more difficult to cross that line when you are talking about a celebrity because they are well insulated from the rest of us normal folks. But, what if it’s a crush in the real world? Is it still okay to have a crush on the barista at Starbucks, or the hot personal trainer at the gym with the really nice booty, or the only girl working at your local Genius Bar? Actually … yes. Some say it’s even healthy. There is research that suggests that having little crushes is a sign that you are secure enough in your relationship to appreciate others without threatening it.

I know what you’re thinking. That’s all well and good, but where’s the gray area?

The gray area exists where secrecy begins. When suddenly you make a few extra trips to the coffee shop every day, or sign up for a personal trainer just to be able to talk to her twice a week and watch her demonstrate squats for you, or drop your iPad down the stairs so you can go see the chick at the Genius Bar for the third time this month. (It should go without saying, but I’ll say it anyway, women or not immune or excused from this behavior).

When you start doing things you can’t share with your partner, when you start lying about where you are going and what you’re doing, regardless of whether or not your crush even knows you exist, you’ve crossed the line into that gray area where you are putting your relationship at risk. At that point it is time to have a discussion with your partner about what may be amiss in the relationship that has you actively pursuing another before that pursuit ends in a bittersweet victory where you lose everything you once treasured by doing something you cannot take back.

That being said, if none of those things apply to you then go ahead, crush away.

Meanwhile, at my house, we are watching Zombieland tonight… but that means I get to drool over Jesse Eisenberg, so I’ll take the win.

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